Beyond the Tears: A True Survivors Story

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It was only when the ship arrived at Tinian and a small boat came alongside and the first thing offloaded were the two cylindrical containers that I immediately knew what it was—that those had to hold the two pieces of an atomic, or uranium, bomb. Navy Captain Charles B.

McVay of the U. Indianapolis during World War II. Captain McVay was court-martialed as responsible for the sinking, in which almost almost men were killed. Then, on July 28, McVay and his crew put to sea again, this time on a routine voyage from Guam to Leyte, Philippines, about 1, miles almost due west across the Philippine Sea. Before sailing, McVay, who had not been in the active war zones since Okinawa in March, inquired about the tactical situation. With his nation on the verge of defeat, he hoped to take one more prize for his emperor.

Here we were going from Guam to the Philippines without a destroyer escort. They [both Carter and the Guam routing] assured the captain everything was all right. We left thinking everything was fine. July 30 was a black, dark night and that submarine skipper, he looked towards the east and here was a little speck that he recognized as a ship. We were coming right toward him or fairly close, and he crash-dove, got in position, put his periscope on us and watched us. The target closed the distance: 2, yards.

Another shattering concussion rocked Indy amidships. Her aviation fuel stores ignited, and a maelstrom of flame and explosions ripped through the ship. Santos Pena , Seaman First Class: I heard an explosion which knocked me off the ready box, knocking me on the deck. I had no time to get off the deck before I heard the second explosion. Don McCall, Seaman Second Class: They tell you to throw your life jacket in first, then jump in and get your life jacket. I decided when I got there, I was going to have one. I strapped mine on before jumping overboard and went through the Navy procedure, holding on to the collar when you hit the water.

It felt like my legs were going down and my top was going up. When I hit the water, fuel oil and sea water went down my throat. I was gagging and spitting and trying to swim away from the ship. I finally threw up and got rid of most of it, but then when I ran out of air, I stopped and looked back at the ship and it was going down. Indianapolis sank in just 12 minutes, miles from the nearest land.

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As the bow plunged and Indy listed to starboard 10, 20, 45 degrees, Woods ordered his men to abandon the radio shack. But Woods himself did not move. Instead, he stood fast, trying to send an SOS even as Indy headed for the bottom. It was about 10 minutes after midnight on July The nearly men who made it into the water alive found themselves swimming in a vast, gooey slab of fuel oil that had been released from the ship. Many of the castaways were upbeat at first, certain rescue was on the way.

In addition, substance use that began at an early age--between 8 and 18 years, when children should be learning to develop intimacy and deal with their feelings--can result in arrested emotional development and an inability to deal with strong emotions while abstinent. Assisting these clients to develop life management skills begins with helping them to identify and understand the intensities of their feelings.

It is the unfortunate legacy of childhood abuse that victims must learn to repress their emotions to survive. Victims tend to become vigilant to the emotional states of others at the expense of being aware of their own. In cases of repeated abuse, the victims become constantly alert to the abuser's every move and nuance in order to avoid sparking another abusive incident. That ability, which served them well in childhood, has now been carried over into adulthood and interferes with the ability to function with a full range of feelings. For victims of abuse, problems in forming attachments are often paramount.

The abuse has led to feelings of distrust, betrayal, and abandonment and has caused a disconnection from other human beings. Substance abuse only compounds this rift by creating a false sense of belonging. The process of reattaching--or attaching for the first time--to other individuals, to a community, or to a spiritual power may take a long time, but it does have great therapeutic value.

This may involve an activity--such as taking a class in writing or painting, working with animals, or joining a Step group or a church--that fosters feelings of belonging. Daily affirmations--the reflection on positive statements about oneself--may help foster spiritual growth. For clients, spirituality may be in the form of an organized religion or activity in which participation makes them whole, centered, and connected to some superior or overarching force Whitfield, Clients who grew up in an abusive household have learned survival skills that allowed them to function in an often hostile and unpredictable environment, one in which they needed to be hypersensitive to others' moods and behaviors.

Fears of intimacy are likely to hinder them, and the counselor must respect these clients' boundaries and limitations. Clients' fears of intimacy will often manifest themselves in concern about losing control or being abandoned or attacked Sheehan, Counselors may need to explain to clients how the problems in their past can affect their relationships in the present and how proper skills training can help them to overcome these deficits.

Counselors should reassure clients that these deficits are understandable in light of their history and should be prepared to help them develop needed interpersonal skills. Helping clients develop interpersonal skills involves enabling them to interact empathetically with others, to understand and be understood, to be able to ask for what they need, to draw personal boundaries by saying no, and to cope with interpersonal conflict Whitfield, Other skills highly useful for this population include anger management, learning how to recognize unhealthy relationships, assertiveness training, and conflict resolution.

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The development of such skills allows clients to establish and maintain interpersonal relationships while keeping their self-respect. Because of the central role of interpersonal relationships in women's development, women with substance abuse disorders and histories of child abuse are particularly vulnerable to interpersonal stress--and responsive to interpersonally focused interventions. Because the support networks of these women are typically impoverished, interventions that provide an immediate support network as well as foster improvement in interpersonal skills are essential first steps in shoring up the women's social networks and bonds Luthar and Suchman, ; Luthar and Suchman, in press.

One of the most important roles of the counselor is to model behaviors in healthy relationships. Many abuse survivors never learned this in childhood and have to learn the most basic skills. The counselor should make it a point to show up on time and have expectations for clients to do so as well; he should also always behave in a warm and respectful manner. By simply being there, the counselor models key aspects of a healthy relationship: consistency, respect, empathetic listening, trust, and setting clear boundaries.

Group therapy can be a good setting for interpersonal skills training, but because of the highly volatile and sensitive nature of childhood abuse and neglect, group therapy may not be appropriate for many clients dealing with these issues see the "Group Therapy" section later in this chapter. Seminal writings about the therapist's contribution to the therapeutic interaction Rogers, ; Traux and Carkhuff, suggest that certain characteristics are essential for effective treatment across therapeutic modalities: 1 unconditional positive regard or nonpossessive warmth, 2 a nonjudgmental attitude or accurate empathy, and 3 sincerity.

Although many would argue that these are not sufficient for positive outcomes, there is evidence that these characteristics are important to establishing a working alliance with the client. For example, research has shown that an empathic therapist style is associated with more positive long-term outcomes Miller and Sovereign, ; Miller et al.

Beyond the Tears : A True Survivor's Story by Lynn C. Tolson (2003, Paperback)

For effective treatment, clients must be motivated for change. A counselor may need to address motivation before change can occur.

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For the counselor, the pace of some clients may seem so slow that it appears the clients are avoiding the issue. Nevertheless, the counselor must respect the clients' boundaries regarding how much and when to talk about abuse or neglect. To force the issue or to confront clients about abuse would be to reenact the violating role of the perpetrator. In dealing with clients with histories of child abuse and neglect, the counselor must strike a delicate balance between allowing clients to talk about the abuse when they are ready and not appearing to maintain the conspiracy of silence that so often surrounds issues of child abuse.

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  7. The counselor also must be prepared for the possibility that clients may disclose their childhood abuse or neglect without being asked about it. Disclosure of past abuse or neglect sometimes happens spontaneously in counseling sessions, without any intentional elicitation from the counselor or preplanning on the part of clients. In some cases, clients believe that the sooner they address the abuse, the sooner they can resolve it.

    Exposure to the issue in the media may have led others to believe that this is typical, that is, "what they are supposed to do. They may attempt to pressure treatment providers into addressing abuse issues prematurely--before they have adequate coping skills to manage the potential effects of such exploration. However, counselors must maintain appropriate pacing and teach clients to develop skills in self-soothing techniques so they can manage uncomfortable or volatile feelings.

    When working with adult survivors of childhood abuse, the counselor can help clients situate the abuse in the past, where it belongs, while keeping the memory of it available to work with in therapy.

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    Emphasizing a distinction between the emotions of the client as child victim and the choices available to the adult client can help this process. Recognizing this separation, clients can learn to tolerate memories of the abuse while accepting that at least some of its sequelae will probably remain. Regardless of how or when clients talk about their abuse histories, the counselor must handle such disclosures with tact and sensitivity. Children who have been abused, especially at a young age by parents or other caretakers, will usually find it difficult to trust adults.

    When children's first and most fundamental relationship--that between themselves and one or both parents--has been betrayed by physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, they are likely to grow up feeling mistrustful of others and hypervigilant about the possibility of repeated betrayals. This vigilance is, in many ways, a resilient strength for children, who lack many of the protective resources of adults.